Shanghai park | Meet Suki Again
I wish I can meet her earlier.
We were colleagues back in Hong Kong, in a big four accounting firm. We were on the same team, we shared a few meals of Korean foods.
When Suki talked about her hometown, you felt like it was also your home. I remember that one lunch, we talked about festival customs in our hometowns, and she described in detail how the dumplings were made from plain flour. The whole process takes about 3 days, it was a ritual. Three days before the Spring Festival, they would begin to prepare the flour. I could not remember the details but when Suki talked, I felt healed.
Occasionally, I would remember that discussion vaguely.
So when I come to Shanghai, I reach out to her. She was in Ningbo in the last year but now works in Shanghai. I ask her out for a Sunday Lunch. I pick an Italian restaurant on Jiangsu Rd. The weather is good.
Suki comes, with purpleish shirts and jeans. The restaurant is full of lively young people, pet friendly. In fact, a dog sits beside us.
I do not remember the first few minutes, but we decide on food and drinks quickly. It is easy to dine with Suki, she knows casually what to eat.
She doesn’t change much, which is a great thing. Although not seen her for more than a year, much familiarity between us.
The reason I asked her out was unclear to me, but I made clear to her that I would like to exchange some playlists with her.
She said yes.
Man, She has great taste in music.
We talk about this and that, most recent works, and of course, relationships. I knew that she had a boyfriend so I asked her directly about that.
Oh we have split for a year
How so? You never told me that
Well, when did we share anything about that? She laughed.
Yeah, our friendship was not so close. I frowned. Anyway, why did you split?
You know when at a point in the relationship, when marriage became so real, both needed compromises, but her family didn’t.
Ok, what was the reason then?
He wanted to have a baby soon, not too late and I didn’t.
Well, you were both so young, is the baby thing really a matter?
His family I suppose is quite traditional, his mother is a primary school teacher, and does not expect the wife to take on so much work I guess.
Cannot imagine this opinion is still valid today.
So my boyfriend cannot persuade them.
She is hungry, I can tell, and the food is really nice. We order a beef salad, a portion of seafood pasta, and stewed beef rice.
She order ice Americano, I order ice Latte.
The latte is good.
It is not actually a bad thing to be single again. I say.
To be honest, from time to time, I still picture her as a very close friend, although we didn’t share that much of a conversation before. I am naturally drawn to her high spirits. She made me want to know more about her.
But I am restrained. So I just want to listen to the whole story through.
And now I live with myself in an apartment.
Suki is quite independent, I can tell. She knows in and out how to live independently. She is courageous, intelligent, thoughtful, and genuinely positive. I kind of admire her for these qualities.
I really like these green peas.
haha, they can be the main course.
No, indeed, I mix them with corns.
Suki, that’s why I think you are perfect, you are 100. You are good at your work, you have great responsibilities, you know how to live a life, and you know how to cook a meal.
It’s not like that, haha, my food is only edible.
Well, that’s basically the level of mastery.
She shares with me a photo, it is the grass outside her apartment window, and not far from it is a highway.
You can see children play on it, some quality family time, just from the window.
I can imagine that you turn on yellow lights, play some music and read, that is really nice.
I feel warm in the sun.
We are now walking in the park.
We sit on the grass, it is nice.
Maybe it is not a bad idea to go out. Shanghai is the city where I actually want to go out on weekends.
Yes, this is nice.
We are of similar ages, me and Suki. She has something that I don’t have. I cannot tell if it is generosity or positivity. But I will say, sometimes, when I think about her, I feel there is sunlight after all.
I tell her that I get to travel a bit recently.
Where do you go?
Wuzhen and Qingdao. I really enjoy towns in Jiangnan.
You should go to Shaoxing, the town is small but really nice.
Shaoxing indeed… I kind of know it from Luxun’s essay. He watched a play on a boat. That’s something.
And in the park, a group of old people are playing erhu, probably is Huangmeixi.
I really enjoy the rhythms and tempos, you can listen to it all day.
Yeah. My grandpa knows a lot about Chinese opera.
That’s pretty cool. I wish I can go back to Suzhou again, I really enjoy Pingtan.
Suki and I stand up and just walk. She has another friend to meet.
I really want to say something to her, that may not be entirely self-explanatory. I enjoy her accompany, I really do.
You see, I am not in a good mood recently. I feel vulnerable and mildly depressed from time to time. Not that my life is not good. It is pretty good so far. But occasionally I drained myself easily and felt energy depleted.
I easily question the purpose of living even though I have created many cherishable moments. It does not stop me from this deep anxiety. I sometimes just need a long time to be with myself, not to feel protected but to find consistency.
But with Suki, I feel something different, I know she personally shares bits of my struggles also, but I feel energized, empowered, and hopeful.
Is it some delusion I project onto her? I don’t know. But she is a symbol or a source of hope for me now.
The thing we have between us is not much, we actually only talk for a bit occasionally, but my mind distilled and solidified these tiny bits of conversations and molded them into something more permanent and comforting.
It is really nice to have that. Really nice.
I wonder when I will meet her again.
She waves goodbye to me three times at her stop. And I am still 7 stops from home.